today is a saturday.
yet i did nothing at all. sianz
weekends are always so boring.
nobody to go out with or talk to.
at this rate, my life is a goner liao.
i'm still feeling upset after ytd nite. haiz

God, why did u give me a heart?
can you replace with something that doesn't feels at all?
i juz dun wana feel anything at all.
juz wana live my life simply simple.
nvm.
i'm feeling more worse than ever i could.
I WANT TO FIND BACK MY LIFE!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ytd went out with my best friend. so happy.
still the old same gal. hehe. had lots of chats at astons.
i still believe one person can only have 1 best friend in this world.
and for mine, thats definitely her. =)
i dun know how to explain how it formed.
but 4 years of friendship proved it to be strong and ongoing.
i'm happy with her whenever we meet.
she's attached. lol. not that I'm disturbed by that.
but its just sounds weird. lol. my best friend lei.
haha. i joke more than often. 'put makeup in toliet'
lol. i can't believe i thought of that.

As i was about to reveal everything to her ytd, i paused.
4 years of unsaid deep friendship heartfelt words.
u gotta have time to listen to me. its gonna be long.
really. i have lots to say to you.
dun know where to start. for you my only hope.
june. i will wait for then. pls.pls.pls.
dun let anything bad happen during this time. *prays*
why am i still feeling so sad? whywhywhy
the feeling so unbearable. really
terrible feeling when we parted. lol
started to worry like nth when she didn't reply.
end up she talking to her bf. lol
i waited and waited, for her sms.
*ends abruptly*

Dear Best Friend,
how i wish u dun look at this post.
u will be upset.
will u be different in time to come?
will u be there if sth happens? I trust you. I really do.
dun worry, I'm happy to see u.
jiayou wor.
i really dun know wat to say le.
I wan to be a happy guy infront of you.
goodnite. =)

Starting of March.
After CNY, its been great seeing lots of friends around.
but its all old friends, i wana meet new friends. haha.
seeing just that person tat day wouldn't make me tink tat i still talk to her.
lol. the bad past. everyone has a past.
i just can't believe she still appears sometimes on certain events.
lol. how i wish i still talk to her. eye-candies.
okie now. I'm training up my body.
hope it will be perfect soon. lol

less of meet-ups
less of dinners
less of wastage of time
less of unnecessary stuff
less of thoughts
less of wastage of money
will make me a better cedrick. =)

okie. I'm here again. gathered a lot of thoughts and comments.
first thing to admit. I've totally no interest in FOOD le.
yeah =) i've overcome it! woo. haha. save money and less weight.
but then on a side note. illness might come. so be it. lol

2nd non-interest thingy.
friends. i dun feel going out with them anymore.
maybe its part of saving money. lol
maybe i dun feel they are impt anymore. take it man.

3nd non-interest thingy.
girls. lol. i've talked to so many before. they were nice.
now i started to tink tat they aren't the things i need now.
becoz i really no interest in them liao.
dun know wats the reason.
but everything juz gone down the drain.
lol. juz now heard my best fren attached.
i tot she kidding de. lol. it happened to be real.
ya. i'm disappointed. lol. juz dun wan say only
for a moment, i tot i saw my clock freeze.
time has stopped. lol.
i tot my heart stopped beating for tat few secs.
she has gone a long way throughout with me these years.
rain or shine, happy or sad. she's there.
too bad. who ask me to be 88 de.
ya lor. ipod still put her picture sia. lol
haha. no interest in girls. but talking abt this now.
funny rite? nvm. i tot can bring u out 1 more time.
jiayou wor. enjoy lots! =) take care.


Now is abt studies.
haiz. where to go?
my friends say i naive. really meh?
needs a degree to survive here.
but local uni don't offer my choice.
haiz. i feel more like a useless one.
job or work?
application starts soon liao.
God, descend and help me ba. lol

Neverthless, I'm glad for one thing.
I don't have any burdens now.
all have been lifted. yup
so happy to be a single alone boy.
so now i will just be myself and move on with life.
no matter how tough, i will still be cedrick.
with a unclear future ahead, i will walk my life as myself.
=)

bored man. lol. really bored.
handphone stop ringing. msn also nobody pop by.
nobody been knocking at my door.
smses not even 50 one month. lol.
yup. this is the peak of my life. age 21. tats where i am.
age 21. things started changing. drastically.
friends no where. studies no where. luck still have some.
i've been listening to lijia's blog song. quite nice.
life been bored. after army. come back home sleep.
no life. totally no life.
guess wat someone say was right afterall.
u can be a loner. but just dun emo. lol
been picturing myself as tat kind of person. quite cool.
if i could be just be alone.
if i could just dun talk to anybody.
if i could dun bother about anything or anyone.
if i could just talk to myself.
if i could just answer to myself for my own actions.
if i could win $3million toto. lol
so many if-s.
it will come true someday.
valentine day?
chinese new year?
juz a normal day to me.
i've been crazy.

if i could restart my life again.

Read more to understand me, everyone.


Social Realist (SR)

Social Realists are popular persons full of energy. They are reliable, well organized and helpful. Traditional values are important to them. Founding a family also plays a central role in their life. Social Realists have a marked social streak. They are always ready to listen to the worries and problems of others and spare no effort when they are asked for help. With empathy and understanding, they can sense what other people need. Social Realists are always willing to highly regard the strong points of the other person and to excuse that person’s weaknesses. They are the most sociable of all personality types. Social contacts are very important to them.

Social Realists find it very difficult to cope with conflicts and criticism - harmony is their elixir of life. Acknowledgement and esteem are very important to this type. Differentiation on the other hand is not necessarily one of their strong points. At work and in partnerships, they are loyal, committed and always there when needed. They find it easy to make friends due to their open, warm manner and they have a large circle of friends. In love, they are faithful and attentive and care for their partners with a great deal of imagination and sensitivity. Social Realists show their feelings openly and honestly. Should a relationship break up, they tend to blame themselves. That is why they find it very difficult to end a partnership even if it has not fulfilled their requirements for some time.

Social Realists are more conservative types. They have a set system of values and rules which is orientated to the prevailing traditions. They prefer clear, structured surroundings and work processes; they find too much change und unrest unpleasant. Their strong points are carefulness and reliability and not so much flexibility and spontaneity. Social Realists are open-minded towards anything new only to a limited extent. But, should one be looking for someone to fulfil a task reliably and exactly, they are the right persons.

okie. now is a brand new year le. today is 3rd Jan 2010.
For the past year, thanks for everything to everyone that has passed by.
haha. Last year, i just passed my 21 years old.
yup. this year is quite different.
this is the first time i felt so helpless and lost. no doubt I'm still cedrick.
Someone told me this, for the 1st 21years of your life, it will be a smooth journey.
after that, its going to be your decision and your life le. so true.
I've lived enough in playfulness, dumbness and a smooth journey study life.
It's time to wake up, for me. yup.
In this year, I will be expecting a difference of myself. =)
Friends come and go.
I will go find them if they deserve to be.
If not, its time for a brand new year.
First new goals. dreams. reality. friends-to-be.
I dun need memories. I need back just myself.
cya 2009!
2010 here i come! =)

bday over! lol. finally. haha. all troubles are gone now.
recieved quite a lot of presents too. cool!
wasn't a lot happy at all. haha.
i guess wish it be over soon.
now embark on a new lifestyle.
looking into 2010. lol

A few phrases that sounds familiar
No matter how hard it is to forgive and forget, you can never bring yourself to hate someone for a lifetime. Including yourself.
All of the times, I thought being superb busy would get myself out of it, but it isn't true at all.
Regardless of what's going happen next, I'm no longer trying to tear this memory apart anymore. For, I will bring it along and let it stay till the end of this lifetime. :)
Thanks, for stepping into my life. Thanks for everything you had given me. You, had made me learn and grow. :)

Yup. glad that u are free now. move on ba. =)
wat a emo day.

goodbye to the 21 gals. =)

Okie guys, this is a special post from me. suddenly have this idea of doing this.
Maybe i felt happy thinking about it, because I've achieved sth which i liked most in my poly years instead of my studies? LOL! anyway. below onwards will be a list of female poly friends whom i spoken to over phone during my course of poly life.
Some i even went out with them and i believe i've chatted with them more than a few times of phone calls. Some were great and fun, some were quite hard to chat to.

Neverthless, I've still happy with them coz I SIMPLY LOVE TALKING! hehe. this shows how SUPER ACTIVELY TALKACTIVE I'm. lol!
Yup, they are from mentoring club. Why i listed them out? Coz i tink every one of these females friends made a different impact on me in my life.
I've learnt quite a few things from them, no matter is happiness or unhappiness matters, I still wana say A BIG THANKS to them! =)




Miss J [the 'sweet voice' gal]
haha! this is really my first gal that i chatted with in my poly years.
I also dun know how did i really get to call her and chat until so crazy. lol!
a veri sweet and gentle girl. love to hear her voice. now still so lovely as always. lol
yup, we chatted countless times, until 1 or 2am almost everynight during my 1st year. haha
a veri helpful buddy indeed. always chat with me about juz anything! haha!
we never run out of topics. hehe. glad tat Miss J is still in contact with me!
i say one more time, i would like to hear ur sweet voice again oneday. hehe =P
Thanks Miss J.
1 best buddies always!


Miss W [the 'pretty' gal]
hehe. this one is a rough one. she become cedrick's 1st pretty gal in his mind.
haha. sometimes i juz couldn't take my eyes off her. hehe. big pretty eyes.
okie. I knew her because she was dumped by her bf in the past and i get to console her. lol
tat time i was quite noob. so i didn't really know how to. lol.
and then because of tat, we chatted almost every night too! non-stop. lol
we rarely come out, but we chatted a lot too! went to see a movie called 'corpse bride'.
okie she cried a lot. but now i tink she's happy now. haha.
Thanks Miss W.
2 best buddies always!


Miss L [the 'wooden block' gal]
okie. this is quite a special one. haha. she live same place as me. haha.
still rem i treat her to mos burger. lol
sometimes i would purposely wait for her at mrt to go to school tgt
sometimes i see her, sometimes i don't. lol
the funny thing is she don't look at ppl when chatting with.
tats why i called her the wooden block gal(mu tou ren). lol!
okie juz recently she become a insurance agent, cfm now she talk got eye contact liao.
haha. a nice and quiet gal to be with. and a fair one. haha.
hope to see her again one day! =)
Thanks Miss L.


Miss W [the 'helpful' gal]
okie. this is a long story. lol. 1st gal ever i woo-ed so long b4.
haha. i tink got 1year plus or almost 2years? haha. soft spoken gal
this is the one tat made me woo-ed like crazy. we almost got tgt. haha
I failed. but the experience with her really make me learn a lot.
the experience was definitely enough for me to rem this woo-ing process 4ever.
I have done a lot for her too. almost all my effort is with her. lol
I simply love it! lol
I will never forget you. really.
haha. okie. meaningful things aside. a nice and helpful person.
helping ppl always no matter wat. tats why maybe she suffer? lol
okie. i chatted with her. not a good one i tink so. not suitable ba. haha
all the best to you, although we rarely keep in touch le. =)
Thanks Miss W.


Miss Y [the 'big sister' gal]
hehe. this one also chat like crazy. i watched her grow up since then(i mean for 3yrs. lol)
she changed a lot. in terms of look and fashion. certainly pretty now. haha
Miss Y always helped me and listened to my troubles over the phone.
gave me a lot of advice regardless of anything.
i dun know why we not in contact le. but i guess maybe its lack of time? lol
attended a lot of club activities with her. simply fun fun fun.
simply the chatty person i can chat with. haha.
wish u all the best, u certainly changed a part of my life. hehe =)
Thanks Miss Y.



Miss W [the 'simply next door' gal]
haha! this one is the best one i ever chatted with! haha. all fun, no pain. lol
best of all buddies! hehe. chatted countless liao. dun bother to count.
went out countless too. lol. i knew her since year 1 during another Miss W's bday.
she simply just looked like the girl next door. innocent and pretty looking type.
Miss W still came back even though she left at a certain point of my life.
tats why i appreciate her so much. haha. we chat almost about anything.
i saw her cry b4 and she saw me cry b4. lol. funny. all joy & fun. hehe
always look forward for a phone call from her. hehe.
juz can't stop talking. haha. go out tgt soon k? hehe!
i gave u ur present le hor, rem mine k? haha!
Thanks Miss W.
I will never ever forget you.
3 best buddies always!


Miss S [the 'buddy buddy' gal]
hehe. Miss S and i both have the same surname. haha. tats why we are buddies!
i rem she gave me a bottle of stars during my bday. Wow! i tell u, i was surprised.
I was so touched by her. why a girl give me bottle of stars suddenly? lol!
I dun understand the meaning of it. but never mind, she's a nice one.
haha. we went out maybe less than 5 times. lol.
but same like them, Miss S and i can chat a lot too! hehe.
dun know where is she now. hope she contact me soon. haha
take good care choo buddy! =)
Thanks Miss S.


Miss S [the 'black' gal]
haha. knew her thru another guy. we didn't talk as much in the first place.
until sth happen to her then we get to chat tgt. haha.
i called her the black gal because she likes to wear anything tat is black.
haha. her looks are okie but her eyes, yup, certainly big. haha
i like seeing tat. lol. she had some hard times too.
She's a independent gal, rarely knew of. hehe
I tink i did helped her to get thru it in the later part. poor Miss S.
I certainly hope you are alright now.
Oh ya! she gave me a t-shirt naming 'Sarcasm'. okie. tats lame. lol
she's a lovely nice gal. hehe. come look for me when u are back! =)
Thanks Miss S.


Miss J [the 'full of worries' gal]
another Miss J. lol. so many. haha. okie! I chatted with her for a certain period.
hehe. she always worrying about anything. lol
Oh ya, she was my team member when i was a Group Leader in Mentoring Camp.
haha. her hair tat time was quite cute. lol. now her teeth is straight. so nice.
When we chatted, she was veri polite. always worrying when i would be angry. lol
Miss J, u worry too much le. haha. but nvm, ur bf will take care of you.
great to know you. u also made a impact on my life.
You made me understand things in my life.
Thanks Miss J.


Miss Y [the 'always happy laughter' gal]
hehe! I wan this to be my friend 4ever too! lol. she looks quiet but real chatty.
and damn funny too. always crappy. haha. now become pretty liao. haha.
she helped me on sth. during my itp, she chatted with me over phone.
she worked associated with phones de. so i could always call her and chat.
somemore during work time. lol! so fun. never sad. always happy.
love to hear her laughters! and she always type 'hahahahaha'. lol!
it was a fun 2 months itp chatting period. hehe!
stay pretty always wor. nice to meet u at tat point of time.
u certainly made me laugh like hell. hehe
Thanks Miss Y.


Miss P [the 'independent' gal]
wahaha. this is interesting. lol. a different gal i talked to during poly.
didn't expect i could talk so much to her. she seems so different from others.
lol.maybe because of the things she does? haha. nice nice.
she holds a lot of influence in the club itself.
I mostly talked to her about club stuff, comparing here and then.
haha. and we can chat for hrs k! hehe. she talk quite fast also.
so nice to have her talk to me. quite relaxing. she's junior anyway.
but then she talks like she's more matured than me.
wish her all the best. hope u will go far in ur life.
haha! hope to chat with ya again.
it's certainly a good experience. hehe.
Thanks Miss P.
u made me understand more in my life.


Miss E [the 'small tiny cute' gal]
yeah. how to describe her? she's juz like a small little kid.
well, i got attracted to her somehow. lol. she's noisy too.
haha. actually we know each other thru mentoring events.
she's always tat cute and cracking jokes.
she speaks english though. lol. i can speak well too.
haha! she's a fun person to be with. friendly. hehe.
how i wish i can get to know her more. haha.
u get well soon k. u are a nice person.
u will recover soon de! i will pray for u. haha
take good care ya. 'xiaopang'. hehe
dun always call me 'dapang'. Lol!
Thanks Miss E.


Miss P [the 'small fiery' gal]
okay. she is someone whom really got my attention. lol!
I used to talk to her over phone. didn't chat quite long.
haha. i tink i was the one forcing her to talk.
okay. anyway, she has a nice hairstyle which i like. haha
she's small size but yet can be quite fiery. haha
dun dare to play any tricks on her. lol
sorry that u landed in this plight.
If i had the power, u wouldn't be like this now.
I'm sorrie. lol. hope u forgive me.
i tink i was blind tat time. haha
haha. anyway, i tink you are a cute person to talk with.
Thanks Miss P.


Miss Y [the 'alarm clock' gal]
yup. I met her through 2007 Mentoring dinner & dance.
haha. she helps me a lot. wat do i mean by tat? haha
anytime if i need to wake up early in the morning like 3 plus,
she will give me a call to wake me up. haha
coz she everytime sleeps so late. lol
one funny thing abt her is her smses.
she sms every single sec. always see her using the phone. lol
maybe 1 day can up to a few hundred smses. lol
dun know who she sms to?? haha. can be me ma? LOL!
yup. if u slim down, definitely u will be a great looking lady.
hehe =)
take care ya.
Thanks Miss Y. =)


Miss L [the 'unexpected' one]
haha. this one is very different from all the others.
can say 1 of the few great girls i met until now. lol
I had a lot of great chemistry with her.
I met her during BP Active Day in 2007. haha.
just wana ask her to be a station helper in this event.
end up chatting with her 3hrs for our 1st call. LOL!
can i praise myself now? haha. so unexpected reality.
yup. we did chat everyday from midnights onwards.
lol. tat time in poly we were close friends. haha
I even hear her snore before. lol. over phone ma.
exciting life though with her. ups and downs.
if given 1 more chance, lets try it again. LOL
I always buy her a certain sweet when we go out.
we did a lot of crazy things tgt. haha.
yup. she very beautiful, dun know how i end up with her.
haha. u really made me understand myself more.
Thanks Miss L.
I will never forget you.
If u ever read this, i hope u give me a call. =)
goodbye Miss L.


Miss X [the 'perfectionist' gal]
haha. this is very easy to guess. Its my 1st gf!
haha. wat can i say about her? we get to know each other for days.
then after that, we got tgt after we went out for the 1st time.
lol! she gave a cute answer when i asked her to be my gf. haha
its certainly fun tgt! somemore she's junior. hehe
I did asked her come my bday, but she rejected. lol
everybody say we would last long, but then we ended in 9months.
lol. nvm. at least i did have a good experience with her.
she wants everything to be at the top. tats why she falls easily.
that is something i dun wish to have inside me. lol
oh ya. she wished me happy bday too! she still rem me!
haiz. can i ask her out again? lol. breakup so long le.
I've been reading her blog since the breakup day.
in fact, i dun really understand her at all. lol.
Nvm, i hope u will find ur happiness soon wor.
take care Miss X.
hope we meet on the streets someday.
Thanks Miss X for your 1st love. =)


Miss A [the 'childhood playmate' gal]
did anybody know that Miss A & I are childhood friends?
haha. yup. we were once very good young little babies friends.
LOL! is my mum's friend daughter. often we went out tgt.
saw from past photos. lol. same primary school.
different secondary school. but then same CCA in poly!
lol. so concidence! haha. she very good at studies wor.
top in studies and clubs! haha. jealous of her lor.
anyway me and her also december babies! haha
she lives near me and we sometimes take mrt tgt home.
we always chat about general stuff. yup.
from her face, u wouldn't know she also talk as much as me.
haha. thanks Miss A.
u always at the top becoz ur name also 1st in alphalet.
HAHA! take care wor.
all the best for u!
=)


Miss L [the 'bubbly' girl]
another Miss L again. same thing. know her in mentoring events.
she's superactive too! talks a lot too! cheerful nature.
haha. get to know her more after poly life.
she did have some problems with her r/s. quite tough.
oh ya. we also got chat and went out tgt a few times.
haha. we went to sentosa and she wore a bikini. LOL!
I was stunned lor. haha. didn't expect tat to happen.
anyway, she's a good talker too. haha.
went to ECP to fly kite tgt. but it failed. lol
lousy cedrick. haha. 20yrs old still go fly kite.
ya lor. now she's attached. how could i missed her? LOL!
anyway, all the best for your relationship wor.
Jiayou! u can do it de.
Thanks Miss L.
You gave me a different view of r/s. =)


Miss H [the 'classy' gal]
haha. tink of classy, tink of Miss H.
why do i know so many good looking girls? haha
too bad. they are all my female friends. haha.
Miss H stands for huggable. LOL!
she is also one of the few girls after poly become prettier.
haha. we went to cycle before.
during army days, went with her to see midnight movies.
so tiring. lol. now no chance le. lol
we often talk about our own relationships and discuss it.
she told me something which shocked me though.
she can't stand the feeling of being alone. lol
meaning she always needed a bf by her side. haha
special indeed. never heard before.
well, wish u all the best.
score well in ur studies!
Thanks Miss H. =)


Miss M [the 'i dun know' gal]
lol. hear the nickname should be easy to guess liao ba.
haha. yup. its my 2nd gf! haha. small little gal.
also dun know how ended up tgt. everything juz happens so fast.
lol. we wrote letters to one another. haha! so fun!
when it comes to recieving replies, its worth waiting! lol
always wanted to know wats the content inside. haha
she's very thrifty. lol. sth i dun like. haha
nvm. we lasted for at least 7months though.
yup. bday chalet is just around the corner.
hope u will enjoy it wor! u turning 21 le!
all the best to u! rem to change job soon! =)
Thanks Miss M.


Miss C [the 'sunflower' gal]
haha. yeah! last of all! finally. LOL! write more more!
actually i know her back in year 2 le. now then get to know her more.
haha. she superactive too! always like to laugh out loud.
her laughing is certainly unique. haha. always get ppl attention.
yup. recently get to chat with her for nights.
bought her a top from aus. i tink she like it a lot. haha
went with her to escape and wild wild wet. woo!
I never went before lor. this is my 1st time!
somemore with a gal. LOL! fun fun! especially the water slides.
haha! got time go again. hehe. why i call her 'sunflower' gal?
becoz I gave her 1 sunflower when she came here as a promoter.
haha. i also dun know why i did that. Lol.
We get to know each other better and her background. haha
currently, she also the few that is still in contact. lol
lets meet up for christmas k! haha.
You will be the last chapter of my poly girls. haha!
take care ya.
dun keep telling me your dimples.
haha. i know its nice on you. i also wan! lol
Thanks Miss C.
dimples =>



Yeah! All 21 girls from Mentoring Club has been uploaded into this blog post le.
Anyway My bday coming le and I'm turning 21st. that's why have 21 girls in total.
haha. A very BIG THANK YOU to u all! I guess I will never be this crazy talking again in future. LOL! A million thanks! yup. take care my female friends! =)




Your Super Active Talker,
Cedrick. =)

okie. i'm back from aus - rockhampton
yup. a nice and relaxing trip.
didn't have to care about anything else(i tink so)
there's mostly old ppl in the town.
some girls were quite nice looking and the clothes they wear nice too.
slow-paced life unlike spore.
5.30am sunrise. lol. so early.
how i wished i could stayed there longer.
there's nth to do in spore anyway. lol.
cool wind & breeze. haha. simply wonderful weather.
and i tanned there for 1hr and straight away become black. lol

coming back to spore.
not excited to do anything else.
guess i'm still not used to the busy paced life here. lol
i'm still in aus slow-paced time. haha
okie. now there's 2 things i need to do.
NE for army and my 21st bday party chalet. yup
and its only 1 day apart. lol

bought a few items for my friends too.
haha. hope they like it. i specially choose them de. LOL
now i fully understand the way of relationships.
yup. read a lot of ppl's blogs.
knowing there's ups and downs.
i still tink in this conclusion.
i will be better off alone.
coz i know i can't make it through anyway (tried a lot of times alr).
now i just wan to calm down and live simply just my life.
NS over in 10 more months. LOL!
JIAYOU!!!

Know me by surface.

Never know me in depth.

"You Are Not Alone"

Another day has gone

I'm still all alone

How could this be

You're not here with me

You never said goodbye

Someone tell me why

Did you have to go

And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself

How did love slip away

Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not alone

For I am here with you

Though you're far away

I am here to stay
But you are not alone

For I am here with you

Though we're far apart

You're always in my heart

But you are not alone

'Lone, 'lone

Why, 'lone

Just the other night

I thought I heard you cry

Asking me to come

And hold you in my arms

I can hear your prayers

Your burdens I will bear

But first I need your hand

Then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself

How did love slip away

Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not alone

For I am here with you

Though you're far away

I am here to stay

For you are not alone

For I am here with you

Though we're far apart

You're always in my heart

For you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'

And girl you know that

I'll be there

I'll be there

You are not alone

For I am here with you

Though you're far away

I am here to stay

For you are not alone

For I am here with you

Though we're far apart

You're always in my heart

For you are not alone

For I am here with you

Though you're far away

I am here to stay

For you are not alone

For I am here with you

Though we're far apart

You're always in my heart

For you are not alone...

I dedicate this song to you..

2 weeks have passed
the tears have flown.

ytd was a hurtful night.
recieved replies from someone.
i cried again. but this time it seems so different.
i don't even know why i cried for this person.
i felt heartache, its juz so terrible to cry alone in bed without making any sound.
so pain in the heart. true pain. true ache.
its hard to hold back ur tears or even swallow it.

nevermind.
i will be going off soon.
everything will be fine.
maybe i wish i wun come back at all.
thanks. u are a very nice person all this while.

how i wish i have no feelings inside me.
so i wun feel anything at all
juz wana be one and only person if i have to.

one day have passed by
sad...

Changing is not easy.
Meeting the correct person at the right time is difficult.

So what if u meet the correct person at the right time?
There's bound to be problems too.
There's bound to be up and downs.

Its not about looking pessimistic.
Its juz sometimes things don't go well at all.
Can't help it.

I dun wan to look down at all.

Its all going back to square one now.
now everything seems to be my fault.
well. that's great.
let's start all over again.

being honest sometimes make u silly.
silly = dumb

I just need some understanding from someone.
maybe that understanding doesn't come easily.
seriously nth i can do now.
almost half gone for all of this.

It all depend on luck now.
lets hope miracles won't come.

Face the truth harshly.
Face the harsh truthfully.

I've been labelled as a criminal.
Thanks.

Hey guys! so long no blog le! LOL!


Anyway, I'm back! haha. back with a happy face.
coz i have a new girlfriend now. haha.
wrong. i have a lot of girlfriends. but i only have one steady girlfriend. haha!
she now treats me so nice. so loving. lol
haha. known her for years.
and then dun know why we ended up tgt.
lol. i tink tats fate wor. haha.
anyway her personality is almost the same as me. december babies.
haha. we got around in feb ba. haha.
now almost 4 months liao. lol
haha. i tink we started off great and enjoyable. hehe
u can ask her. she got excellent gifts from me within a month. LOL!
hope i also can get excellent gifts too. haha!
i know she loves me a lot de. haha.


here's her picture! LOL!

haha. I dug up this photo. lol! years ago liao.

haha. tink she will be mad at me. HAHA!
she look like small kid. LOL!
and i have long hair. lol.

i know she loves me..

i love her too as well..

=)

Wahaha! back in blog. Lol.
today was a very good day for me. haha.
lets talk about a few weeks ago.
i was working in suntec. a jewellery show.
haha. lots of diamonds!
and so many girls around.
and met a lot of funny encounters.
those who scold u no brain. lol
some everyday come here juz for lucky draws. 18k gold. lol
work was fun as always. as my boss always treat me esp well.
haha. fortunate to have her as my boss =)
but too bad. last show le.
dun worry. will still go out with her sometimes. haha

So now lets talk about today.
went with her to watch Wall-E.
haha. super lame show with no talking at all.
good robot with love. lol
after that. we walked to paragon and passed by the heeren.
then one pretty lady stopped us and said
"would u wan a free haircut at toni&guy?"
Wow. i was thinking so shiok man.
coz tat was zhanhui's dream to go there.
and yet now it free for me to go there cut.
but then the image of toni&guy suxs man. lol
services veri good. in the end kena cut by a trainee.
and the hair was terrible.
its ARMY HAIRSTYLE!!! LOL!
things couldn't be worse.
and this is the longest haircut i ever had.
1hr 30mins sitting down having a army haircut,
not including the time for washing hair. LOL
GOD DAMN IT!
she waited for so long. and i sitted for so long.
so pls zhanhui, u can go to toni&guy cut hair liao.
meant for army guys. LOL
sadded by everything.
she was so pretty, had big eyes but then is a trainee.
LOL. couldn't scold her. coz she looks realli nice. haha
but at least i got a free haircut before i go in army. lol
a toni&guy haircut tat costs $70plus and its army. LOL!
when i came out. my boss keep laughing like hell lor.
she almost fell to the ground, collasping with laughter. lol

so after that. we went to PS for manhattan platters.
then went for pool.
then to minds cafe.
haha. spent a lot indeed.
but i counted only $38 for today. LOL
and a free $70++ toni&guy haircut.
cannot post my hair pic now. coz u all might juz laugh to death. lol
in the past was kimage tat made my hair look toot.
now become more tooter. =(
but nvm. i got a surprise today.
she bought me a crumpler bag today. *stunned*
$94 bucks sia. *stunned stunned*
and she said this is not a bday present, juz a gift. *stunned stunned stunned*
LOL!
she realli treat me damn nice.
haha. shall buy her one during her bday too.
hehe.

so those who got read my blog. tats all for tonight. LOL
and pls meet me up to see my new "unique" TONI&GUY hairstyle.
u all will sure like it. even your parents will like mine too. LOL!
goodnite all~
17 days to ARMY WORLD!
bb~~

the days are coming soon.

the army days.

lol.

Social Realist (SR)

Social Realists are popular persons full of energy. They are reliable, well organized and helpful. Traditional values are important to them. Founding a family also plays a central role in their life. Social Realists have a marked social streak. They are always ready to listen to the worries and problems of others and spare no effort when they are asked for help. With empathy and understanding, they can sense what other people need. Social Realists are always willing to highly regard the strong points of the other person and to excuse that person’s weaknesses. They are the most sociable of all personality types. Social contacts are very important to them.

Social Realists find it very difficult to cope with conflicts and criticism - harmony is their elixir of life. Acknowledgement and esteem are very important to this type. Differentiation on the other hand is not necessarily one of their strong points. At work and in partnerships, they are loyal, committed and always there when needed. They find it easy to make friends due to their open, warm manner and they have a large circle of friends. In love, they are faithful and attentive and care for their partners with a great deal of imagination and sensitivity. Social Realists show their feelings openly and honestly. Should a relationship break up, they tend to blame themselves. That is why they find it very difficult to end a partnership even if it has not fulfilled their requirements for some time.

Social Realists are more conservative types. They have a set system of values and rules which is orientated to the prevailing traditions. They prefer clear, structured surroundings and work processes; they find too much change und unrest unpleasant. Their strong points are carefulness and reliability and not so much flexibility and spontaneity. Social Realists are open-minded towards anything new only to a limited extent. But, should one be looking for someone to fulfil a task reliably and exactly, they are the right persons.

this is what i am..

Yes! I'm back!
lol.
almost 1 month didn't blog le.
so here's the post.

I've stopped crying.
stopped feeling sad le.
But i'm not happy also.
i dun know why.
i have a lot of things in my life now.
ipod touch
PSP
magic cards
nice job
nice pay
great friends
and a easy life.

but maybe there's sth missing in my life?
in the past, i used to talk to a lot of ppl over the phone.
its like countless. LOL
but its realli fun, as u hear lots of different kinds of stories of their life
haiz. too bad. there's no one at all now.
some working
some studying
some already attached
some juz left.
thats what i am now.
singlehood =)

To those i chatted to u all before over the phone,
a million thanks to u all.
u all made through my boring poly life
thanks for the laughter
thanks for the tears
thanks for everything
hope u all someday come back and call me up soon. =)

Missing all of u. hehe

goodnites~

there's a lot i can do now

for there's a new life waiting for me out there

hope everything comes smoothly my way

=D

days and nights, i've been wanting her to talk to me.
seriously. izzit difficult at all?
izzit a face problem?
why nobody took the initative at all?
i didn't want to. as i dun know where to start.
haiz~

i hate blogging. for i cry so much everytime i write a post.
i juz can't help it.
memories are juz memories.
no matter how sad or how happy they were, they still hurts.
i'm trying to ignore wats happening everyday.
u know
photos i like to delete. but once its gone, its realli gone.
i can't retrieve it anymore if once i do it.

its not i want to cry.
i dun know when to stop.
i dun know how control
i fear one day i might be gone.
my friends.
i know. they are around.
but why?
whenever they around. i pretend to be happy.
why i juz couldn't be realli happy?
why?
i dun wan ppl to pity me.
but i'm realli sad.
maybe my horoscope is like that
i'm happy in their minds.
but everytime i'm alone, nth happy comes around.
u dun sad in front of them.
can i juz stop crying?
maybe i will cry until a limit where i can't cry anymore.
that will be the worst
and yet maybe it will be good for me.
so when do i move on?

she wun talk
i wun talk
nobody talks
if i am feeling the same way now, why wouldn't she feel the same too?
i juz need a hi
juz a simply hi
maybe tat will move me on.
goodnite ced~

everyone has a sad past.

what's yours?

i juz hope yours wouldn't be sadder than mine.

everyday life is so sianz.
passing everyday with juz sleep and eating. lol
NS is still far away.
can't even do sth right
it's damn bored here.

once in a while, i might feel alone.
i dun like emo-ing.
friends come and go.
A true friend is being a friend to urself.
its been weeks and months.
nvm.

planning a paintball outing soon on 28th june.
yup. everybody response is good.
glad tat they still will come.
juz before i go NS, i wish to enjoy with them.
i dun wan to be alone.

cedrick

stop tear-ing in the middle of the night..

u know its not going to help at all..

pls be strong..

Hello everyone! it's been long.
yup. these few weeks has been like numb?
anyway. starting from tml, its a whole week outing.

Mon - FMC outing
Tue - Sec school friends
Wed to Fri - Mentoring Chalet & Andrew's BBQ
Sat - enjoy the sun freely! =)
Sun - hoping to get sick and rest. LOL

Yup. life been the same.
not working.
growing fat.
thinking like thinklessly (if there is a word like this)
playing magic.
stunning everyone in this world. haha
yeap. life been a fool.
LOL

i seem to understand the meanings of life le.
to be able to take up, one must be able to let go.
i will do it and i know i can de.

To all couples that alr break up le.
juz hear wat i say.
=================================================================
its ur choice to choose to be friends with each other after parting.
but everyone needs a new environment after parting.
coz they tink tat they can move on with a new environment.
nobody wans to be dependent of one another.
they wan be independent and move on strongly.
so they choose not to be friends with u anymore.
maybe a few years later they might.
but at the moment now, please dun disturb one another as its not the time now.
i know it's terrible not to talk to each other now.
as u might tink the other party dun care abt ur life anymore le.
but remember tat they also have a hard time moving on too.
whenever u talk to them, they might juz tink u still holding on.
and they would tink of the past.
the past hurts. especially beautiful memories.
they hurt the most. coz u know u can never have them anymore le.
so juz move on with another new environment.
u might feel good with it.
thats life. you juz have to move on
knowing tat the person won't be ur friend for now.
u still have ur loving friends and caring family around.
put them into ur life and u will be happy.
smile everyday and good things will come ur way soon.
=================================================================

cedrick. u said it. u must do it.
u realli must do it.
dun fail this time.
juz move on with life.
let her go.
u will be happy soon.
pls. i beg of u.
jiayou.
stay strong!

if love doesn't exist in this world

there wouldn't be torturing and suffering

and i would be more happy.

its been long since i blogged..
now then i found out tat whenever i'm sad. i would blog. =(
seriously. i'm moody.
nvm. lets juz start with sth happening.

13th to 16th work as receptionist in EXPO.
fun and good environment job.
happy to see a lot of friends.
good to know them. haha.
how much i love to be with friends again.
i still can talk with others happily. as wat i am now.
being talkactive. being humourous.
but whenever i'm alone. i'm sad again.
seriously. i hate life for wat it is.

i dun know.
someone told me this.
let things rest more for a longer period of time.
we still haven talked to each other since after fo camp.
its been hard. and awkward.
things are juz not right.
nobody can help me. except myself.
i will juz indulge myself in friends ba.
no time left.
soon will be in a world of grass and mud.
goodnites all~

who can help me to get out of all this?

seriously. i can't take it anymore

i will fall straight into the cliff.

back from a fulfilling fo camp. =)
so great seeing so many friends for these 3 days.
done a lot of things for them.
i could also mingle with those mentors 2yrs younger than me.
love being with friends~
been veri tired.
today almost slept for 12hrs. lol
seriously, i felt a sense of warmth in mentoring.
throughout these 3 years, it gave me countless of memories.
wish i didn't had to finish studies and leave mentoring. LOL
so much fun. so much events. so much memories.
couldn't forget anyone of it.
they were precious to me.

yup. its now on my own again.
hope to have a better life from today onwards.
tml work again.
hope to be happy soon. =)
goodnite everyone.

thanks mentoring.

you've been a great friend in my life.

thanks for all the memories.

=)

Some meaningful sentences i came across~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up a nd discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that 'It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character.'
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

if there's a bar to indicate how sad a person might be..

hello all~~ (if there's anyone reading this blog.)
its been a tiring weekend ya.
fo camp trials. i'm first aider again. lol
3 years being a first aider in mentoring camps.

seen a lot. seen much more clearly than ever.
she's more happier with her friends now.
anyone can see tat. i'm happy for her too.
she moved on le. without me.
everyone has a new life.
her life with happy friends juz started.
i dun wan her to hold back becoz of me.
i juz wan to get out of her life fast.
coz i dun wan hurt her anymore.
i should let her go.
i'm no boyfriend of hers anymore.

let me do sth right now to undo my wrongs.
i wan to apologise. sincerely.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry, sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry, sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry, sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry. sorry.
sorry for wat i've done. truly sorry. every of it came with a drop of tear.

hope u move on fast.
even if we couldn't be friends anymore, i still hope u be well and happy too.
wish all the best for u in ur final year of studies. good luck =)
maybe now i am juz a nice stranger to you.
Jiayou ya.
i will never forget this first of mine.
it will be happy memories =)
goodnite~

its hard to swallow ur tears quietly on a emo night.

hard to breathe and cry at the same time.

i juz wana stop crying now.

stop it.

It's a tiring weekend.
gala night was fun. yet hurting.
hurt straight to my heart. deeply cut.
went with a 'funny' hairstyle tat made everybody can't recongise me at all. lol
heard a lot of comments. lots of negative ones. but who cares?
i dun care. i meant my hair to look tat way.
i hate myself. tats why i did tat
but i guess it wasn't tat terrible and horrible.
i need to buck up next time.
been called up to the stage a lot of times.
guess its our night. tats why.
been called up to be a couple with someone when actually someone u loved before was being the judge way back down on the floor. imagine tat feeling!
so hurting to be treated tat way. =(
yet she looked so happy way down.
she looked pretty to me. wearing in tat white dress. tat's lovely.
but she's not my girl anymore le
took a photo with her with the help of yongxin. thanks girl.
this photo meant so much to me. so dearing.
went up to her for a few mins chat.
got rejected and simpy ignored.
i dun know why.
she said she needs to go. does she have to??
i juz wan a few words with her.
its juz seems so hard to her.
forget it. its not the first time le.

went to orchard 24hr swensens eat icecream.
with yongxin, andrew, hui fen.
haha. cool. they are great friends too.
eat then reached home at 3am.
then next day went paintball. haha
i won sia! 3 rounds straight. and i never kena any paintballs. woo
haha. organising 1 soon! real soon! haha.
i wan shoot everyone. LOL

came back around 2pm. then went for my friend 21st bday in chalet.
LOL! its damn tired lor.
then i stayed overnight somemore!
didn't go work. bluffed them i sick. haha
slept at 6am, woke up by 9am. 3hrs of sleep sia.
alr 2 days being like tat de. only 3hrs sia.
damn tired~
going sleep now. nites!

my heart is still in pieces

broken ones..

today was an unexpected day.
went to ervin's house to do somethings for the main com.
we reached jurong east mrt station.
it feels like its a new station. when actually its not.
i juz for a long time never came to this station le.
memories came. a lot of it. at different places.
it was happy memories afterall.
then after tat, i went ervin do sth.
until 9plus.
then i walked back to the station.
at tat time, my mind was thinking if i can bump into her too.
i went to the bus interchange to see a while. but she wasn't there.
i guess i was a bit stupid to hope for tat.
but as i walked along. my mind was filled with her.
then i saw her. i realli did saw her! and i realli did. i seriously did!!!
i was so shocked. hai.
i picked up my courage and came up to her. and said a hi.
i tink she was shocked too. she said hi too.
i saw her.. i did realli saw her.
why? why? why? why izzit so fated?
before we could meet at gala night tml, we had to bump into each other today.
its like so much of a concidence???
it was alr 10plus. and i still bump into her. i guess tats realli fate.
it is! it is fate. i met her juz so right.
i acc her to the bus stop and waited for her bus.
i guessed it was only the time left for me to talk to her le.
juz a few mins. i did saw her.
it was a different kind of feeling. everything so awakard.
seriously. i hold back my tears tightly. i knew i had to hold back. i can't cry.
i mean i tot a miracle happen again?
hai. i feel so happy seeing her again but at a lost of wat to say.
i knew i had no time left to talk to her as her bus coming soon.
she still treats me as a friend. juz a normal friend.
but in the end. she still left for the bus. i knew i can't hold her back.
i'am juz a normal friend to her. hai
let me say again. i saw her i saw her i saw her. it fate.
it is. i saw her. i realli did. hai.
how i wished time would stop at that time.
after she left. i keep weeping.
on the train home. i keep crying. non-stop.
i can't hold back my tears. i realli juz couldn't. it juz can't stop.
hai. i such a loser. a total failure.
but i can say it out. i still feel for her.
i realli do. i want her back. i still miss her so much.
i juz not a guy. hai
i dun know why.
it seems like heaven wan us to meet first before see each other tml at the gala night.
maybe like tat. wun be so awakard ba.
but but but. i realli did saw her!
i mean its damn concidence. like so fated.
wat to face tml? i dun know.

the emo cedrick comes once again..

Yeah! finished my 3 days temp work le. haha
earned $100++ in 3 days. lol
it was quite a easy job.
binding papers and sorting out photographs.
LOL. anyone can do also. even a small kid also can.
saw a lot of angmohs there. half of the staff was them. lol
Tayler Nelson. i tink is a rich company. if not why my pay so good. =P
newspaper distributor still going on. haha. so tired every morning.

today is saturday. planning to go out tml.
to shop for clothes for dnd ba
although i not so looking forward to it.
will be the same scenario as last year too. haiz
its like as easy as getting struck by lightning twice in a row. lol
forget it. juz look forward to many mentoring friends tat day ba.
it will be good for me if i keep tinking this way.

life is juz simply cruel.
going ns soon le. lol
heard so many friends gotten their letters le. sianz
i juz felt a bit too rushing for me.

today played bball with my friend.
more than 7 years of friendshio sia. haha
talked to him a lot everytime we played bball.
yup. talked abt everything under the moonlight. HAHA
discussed a lot of things. personal things as well.
cool nite. :)

totally numb

love and hate is juz a short distance away.

2nd day of my work.
things are going well. haha
giving newspapers is such a easy job
ppl keep coming like ants from the mrt exit. LOL
i pity those ppl giving out flyers
1 out of 15 ppl took flyers. HAHA
suddenly i have one idea.
put their flyers into my newspaper.
then now cfm ppl will take and read the flyer as well. haha
so smart. =P
then ask them give me some of their pay. lol
earn more money. hehe

after work. Recruit Express called me.
this time its good news lor.
haha. got 1 job starting tml onwards till friday. woo~
$6.50/hr from 10am - 6pm.
Bishan area. as temp assistant. they say is easy job.
put photographs into envelopes. erm? LOL. i also dun know wad the hell is tat.
yeah. can earn more money now these upcoming days. haha
immediately go sign contract soon after. haha

damn tired. been sleeping 4hrs a day.
does it help to slim down as well? HAHA
but i dun wan get dark circles. lol
gala night coming. looking forward to it. as can see so many friends again.
yeah. night is always so emo. lol
everything now seems changed.
everybody starting a new life le.
haha. i still the same.
izzit possible to forget tat easily?
i guess not ba.
leave it to fate lor.
used to it liao. sianz
go have my energy now.
~goodnite~

things will take care of themselves in time to come..

the petrol station didn't call me in the end.
guess they afraid i would blow up their cars for filling them full tank. LOL
how i wish i can blow myself up too. haha
pls. i'm mad alr. lol

went coffeeshop eat chicken chop rice.
so not appealing to me. haha
went home sleep at 3pm
suddenly i was woken up by a call.
recruit express ask me go work a 2 week job.
haha. the person still asked if i can still listen to her. coz i was damn sleepy. lol
okie. this job is those distributor assistants at mrt station giving out newspapers. -.-
work 2 hrs. $5.50/hr. damn it. have to wake up early in the morning same as my bro. lol
at least i found sth to do for the next 2 weeks.
hope can exercise at the same time too. haha
if any kind soul were to have breakfast with me or wad. i will be grateful to u
i working at raffles place mrt station. HAHA. 7.30am to 9.30am. sianz

everything about her is on my mind now..

wednesday~
almost half of the week
glad tat this week is coming to an end too
but upset tat i've nth to do at all.
today went for a job interview in yishun for Shell petrol station. lol
the boss is an indian and most of them are too.
i dun mind at all. i can easily make friends.
i juz wan the job to pass my time
but its $4 an hr. LOL! underate.
its okie. i can still live with it.
he says will call me tml.
hope he realli call me tml
*pray hard*

its still so alone without a close person beside me.
i still miss the times.
i realli do wan tell her
but i can't spoil this weak friendship after weeks of failure.
i juz can't do it.
the feeling still in my heart
does she ever miss me now?
does she still have feelings for me?
or izzit juz gone juz like tat?
i still miss her.
i still have feelings for her.
i realli want her back
its a terrible feeling to have.
school starting for her. veri soon. its juz next week
then she will start a new life soon.
with her mentoring friends
with her com
with her classmates
with her new hair colour
with her fyp
with her busy hetic life again
and most importantly,
without me in her life anymore le.
its juz so sad. its realli veri sad
i can't explain it
if there's someone here juz beside me. no matter who he or she is.
i would realli hug tat someone real tight and juz cry everything out. i realli would.
i know i've done mistakes.
but i realli wan to change and have her back right here
i wan her move on with life too
for i dun wan her to be hurt again
but i realli wish we can move on tgt with each other.
i'm sorrie. but its juz feels like tat
if one day she would juz say she miss me. i will melt straight away
haiz~
cedrick. move on ba. it will do u good.
take ur time. everything will be over soon.

there's still sadness in my smile.

a sad smile.

still slacking at home. sianz
at least i done a lot of things today.
cleared my room.
re-washed my crumpler bag. haha. and it has completely dryed le. =)
accompanied my mum go buy cake
celebrated my bro's bday
it may seems so little things
but today was the most things i've done for the past 2 months. LOL

at least i did talked to her ytd night
it was quite peaceful
we talked abt com matters
gave her some advice
i guess she realli need some help
she need to let out her stress
glad to help her
at least we talked sth out of topic.

life is cruel in anything it has
realised everything is juz like tat de
everyone has to face it someday and somehow
yup.
we are still friends.
for once. i felt glad to hear tat.
things wun be awakard anymore
everything will be alright soon now. i guess so.
but there's still 1 feeling in my heart deeply.
i still miss her deeply. i realli do.
i couldn't tell her.
couldn't tell anyone too
except to write it on my blog.
i also dun know wat will happen if i realli told her i miss her still
maybe can't be friends anymore le.
i dun wan to take the risk again. =(
i wish god can appear right now and help me with this.

can i have her back beside me again?

i still miss her so.

today the start of another week. monday~
guess its monday blues again. lol
woke up at 9.30am
read newspaper
eat breakfast
then slack in front of the tv.
wat a good life i have. LOL
but its a boring life as well.
a few more months b4 going NS
ppl asked me to enjoy these precious months left.
i also wan to enjoy ar. but i dun know how
no money. nth i can do.
maybe slacking at home watching tv and sleep is an enjoyment to me afterall.

its my thoughts again.
after ytd conversation, i guess my thoughts finally came to an end.
it finally stopped and came to a conclusion.
should i feel relieved or regretful over it? hai
i talked to someone ytd.
guess tat she's right
thanks for tat someone =)
she said it like all other ppl could have said
someone far away but yet close to msn. lol
i dun know wat i talking about now
yup. maybe should realli enjoy life while i still can.

but there's still 1 small little tiny thought in my mind.
life is still cruel. as always. its never kind at all.
so when sth nice comes ur way, cherish it happily and make happiness with it.
i guess i didn't. i failed. i'am a failure. again. =(
i juz can't accept the reason tat life is simply cruel.
and life is so cruel, why do we still have to live with it and suffer?
i've repeated it quite a lot of times. maybe i juz couldn't find the answer to this.
the first time is always unforgettable. hope everything is alright soon ba.
life is cruel. dun give me a life. i dun need this kind of life.

i juz can't understand life..

Jus wat's exactly is life?
izzit a dream?
izzit a reality?
izzit a hope?
izzit happiness?
izzit sadness?
izzit everything u wished tat would go ur way?
so many questions and answers.
which will be the correct one?
i dun know. i seriously dun know.
i hate my life. i hate everything.
i so angry. yet only this is the place i can vent everything here.
it feels upset. feels tiring. exhausted by everything.
i've been hurt. twice in my life. by the most cruel things on earth: love

pls. feelings dun fade away so easily over such a short period
pls. can u juz be truthful juz for once? juz this once.
i need the truth. i need to know.
ya. i've seen the cruel things. seen everything. seen all of it. izzit realli so cruel?
then wats the point of living on?! when everything doesn't go so smoothly at all.
i've had enough. i realli had. its so tiring.
does life ever have a meaning at all?!
*sign*

i'm sorrie, my frenz
i can't pick up myself and move on
i'm hurt by life cruelty reality.
juz let me stay here a while longer.
i still miss her.

And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever..

my muscles aching like hell
work too hard
chiongster! LOL
but i did tat to relieve my mind
stop me from thinking here and then. hai

now my life is a totally disaster
i dun know. it seems meaningless to me
no work.
no mood.
no exercise.
no fun.
not a life at all.
wish i can faster go in army and forget everything in my poly life
leave everything to fate ba
my life isn't worth tat much

ytd conversation was so "nice"
life is/was cruel
i hate ppl saying 'i dun know'
then pls. i would realli scold for tat
nvm. it takes time now
time will prove everything. i guess so.
hope u get back on ur feet again and be a better person in time to come
hopefully u move on with life too
i will do the same too.
time time time~

a carefree but yet a boring life..

today not bad
got shocked by my speed of giving flyers door to door
completed 1000 households in 3hr 30mins. LOL!
it was hard and tiring sia.
but the pathetic thing is that the pay for it
1000 households = $20. -.-''
meaning $0.02 for every 1 household i goes to. LOL
this is the worst job k.
but i managed to find a job where i can earn money and exercise too. Haha
indeed fun job. especially hearing dog barks. hard obstacles. =P
legs damn tired now. all aching le. sianz

got home around 2.30pm
hai. the thoughts came again
why can't i juz stop thinking?!
mankind so cruel. izzit it?
for no reason. tears came again so suddenly
ppl makes life cruel
be cruel to urself is equal to cruel to others.
so why not be kind a little bit?
nth else to say le
juz hope tat one won't regret his or her own actions
i always regretted every single little or big things i did. haiz

its been weeks le
i also wan to move on.
i juz can't help it. for i miss the times we once had
been hearing of breakups from my friends. sianz
wan to feel pity for them
but i didn't had the energy or mood to do so
i was also in a tearful state too
someone who acc for at least 1% throughout ur life. and its gone juz like tat
izzit fair? ya. it is "fair".
life isn't fair at all. haiz
now, the days of loneliness and singlehood are back
i guess i will juz have to "enjoy" it for now ba

time is aiding my heart to grow in pain..

"Total Eclipse Of The Heart"

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes

Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart

Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you'll only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right

Cause we'll never be wrong together

We can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love

But now I'm only falling apart

There's nothing I can do

A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time there was light in my life

But now there's only love in the dark

Nothing I can do

A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in you eyes

Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart

Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you'll only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right

Cause we'll never be wrong together

We can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love

But now I'm only falling apart

There's nothing I can do

A total eclipse of the heart

A total eclipse of the heart

A total eclipse of the heart

A total eclipse of the heart

A total eclipse of the heart

i need u more than ever..

my mood is like shit now.. haiz
ytd i had no sleep at all
every thoughts came by and left
but it still came back in cycles
totally moodless now
every night seems the same
no matter how i make my life busy,
the thoughts juzt forced its way through my tiring mind.

why life must be so cruel?
why life is never kind?
does kindness or cruelness exists in this world?
haha. i dun know at all
so wat if life is kind to u?
its only kind for a while yet cruel starts next cycle.

i juz can't stop thinking.
ppl says everything is predestined in heaven's book
then wat for continue living on juz like this?
u can't even decide ur fate ur life
for everything is alr planned carefully for u le
its so meaningless.
leading a life tat is already fated for u. haiz
how i wish i could change my life
to lead a life tat i always wanted.

Life is cruelty

Cruelty is life

free flow thoughts.

"Fragile Heart"

A fragile heart was broken before

I don't think it could endure another pain

But there's a voice from deep inside of you

That's calling out to make you realize

That this new bond gives inspiration

To all who feel no love appeal no more

So how can I break this wall around you

That's aiding both our hearts to grow in pain

So forget your past, and we can dream tomorrow

Save our hearts for care and lovin too

It's hard I know, but oh

One thing for sure

Don't go and break this fragile heart

A hurting mind in need of emotion

I don't think I could endure another pain

But baby in you, I've found affection

Affection I have never felt before

So don't let your past destroy what comes tomorrow

Don't go and break my fragile heart

With all this fire that burns between us

There's so much to lose

Yet so much more to gain

And if I could, choose the world around me

The world I'd choose would all revolve around you

So help me complete the game inside me

And help to mend my fragile heart

who can mend it?

today 2nd day
guess the mood still the same ba
but at least i went out today had fun mind games
it was funny and great
went with astley, ervin & jackson to Minds Cafe
so many noisy and funny games. haha
wish could play all day to finish all the games
to feel numb to forget everything..

If i have all the money in this world, i would go out everyday with friends
lots of friends make my life happier. lol
especially jackson. long time no see him liao
but we chatted veri long over everything we had.
great to know him as my friend. =)
guess he's a happy-go-lucky guy too. haha
i've tink i learnt sth from him today. indeed quite a lot
guess he's like me too. juz the boy next door. LOL
Good luck for u ya! =P

Although the fun and great friends are there, sth juz feels not right at all
ought to understand the meanings of life
there's so many, yet hard to go find it all out.
life is juz full of obstacles and struggles
life is never easy at all
life is simply meaningless to me.
It's not i dun wan to be optimistic, its juz tat things make me feel like this
can't help it. time dun wait for ppl
neither do i wait for time too
its juz so complicated for me to tink everything
i felt tired but life still goes on ya
i wan to tink but thinking makes me go mad
maybe one juz lives for itself ba
who can i blame then?
its juz life and me now
juz tired~

life is never kind at all..

*You Make Me Feel*

I've been trying to reach you'

Cause I got something to say

But you're talking about nothing at all

And you're slipping away

We were crying together

It was a long time ago

Before you walk out the door

And leave me this way

Just here what I say

You make me feel

You make me real

For the rest of my days

In so many ways

You make me feel

I've been trying to leave you

Why should we go on like this

But my heart can't breathe

When I hear you say

It's better this way

Ten thousand light years away from you

Keep thinking maybe it's time to let go

But by the end of the day

I still want to say "Do you"

you juz make me feel for u..

My first blog and post! =)
finally found a place to sort out my thoughts
thought i would juz died of boredness and fatness
in the past, used to tink tat blogging is a stupid thing to do
but now, my views totally changed
i need to blog everything out
especially the times now
20yrs of my life
finally started blogging
juz a place for me to vent everything out..

for these few weeks..
many crazy and wild thoughts went thru my mind..
couldn't sleep
couldn't dun tink
couldn't open my eyes clearly
couldn't cry anymore
couldn't be wat i am
all these became part of my life duties.

this world is full of obstacles
seen the ugly side of life..
so wat?
life still have to go on juz like tat
ppl say me optimistic
ya.. i am..
but..
i juz can't help it.

dun worry..at least i still have my blog to say everything out
still got 2 more months
can acc me for tat long
hope by tat time, everything had moved on le.

the nitemare has juz started.

Cedrick Choo Yan Yong 21yrs 08/12/1988


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